Satirical Account of Global Tetrahedron's Alleged Control Over InfoWars
By
The Onion Staff
1mo ago· 4 min readen
85/100
Golden Brown
Bagelometer↗
Master baker tier. Every paragraph earns its place on the tray.
Score85TypesatireSentimentneutral
Summary
The article is a satirical piece written from the perspective of Bryce P. Tetraeder, who claims that Global Tetrahedron has completed its plan to control InfoWars.com. The author uses dark humor and personal anecdotes about childhood night terrors to frame the supposed takeover of the conspiracy theory website as the realization of those childhood fears. The tone is ironic and mocking, presenting the acquisition as both a personal triumph and a manifestation of the very conspiracy theories InfoWars promotes.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledToday I can finally say the sweetest nine or 10 words in the English language: Global Tetrahedron has completed its plan to control InfoWars.com.
When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors. It was always the same dream: I could hear my family and neighbors wailing in the street outside as they were pursued and then destroyed by a nameless malevolent force.
Today, that childhood dream is finally coming true.
Let me tell you a story.
Let me tell you a story. When I was a child, I suffered from night terrors. It was always the same dream: I could hear my family and neighbors wailing in the street outside as they were pursued and then destroyed by a nameless malevolent force, something
