RFK Jr. Reports Lettuce Left on Doorstep by Anti-Protein Activists
By
The Onion Staff
Leave it on the tray for the seagulls.
Summary
RFK Jr. claims anti-protein extremists left a head of lettuce on his doorstep as a threatening message in response to his advocacy for consuming animal products. He described the incident as a 'gruesome threat' and stated the FBI is investigating it as an act of suspected anti-protein terrorism.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledYesterday morning when my wife went out to get the paper, she discovered a gruesome threat left by radical herbivores attempting to intimidate me
the FBI was processing the head of iceberg lettuce for fingerprints and would investigate the incident as an act of suspected anti-protein te
Saying his advocacy for consuming animal products had painted a target on his back
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