RFK Jr. Promotes Natural Immunity Through Contact With Festering Sore
By
The Onion Staff
Needed another two minutes in the oven. A half-baked bagel.
Summary
RFK Jr., as Health and Human Services Secretary, promotes natural immunity by inviting Americans to touch his festering sore, claiming vaccines are unnecessary and that contact with his pus can provide immunity. The article describes his new federal guidelines restricting vaccine access in favor of this unconventional approach.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledEndless vaccines are no longer necessary to achieve immunity now that everybody can come into contact with this throbbing, open sore on my chest
Establishing new federal guidelines for disease prevention as he moves to restrict public access to a number of vaccines
Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. launched a campaign to promote natural immunity Tuesday by inviting Americans to touch his festering sore
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