Pew Research Center Report: Average American's Retirement Plan Tied to Richard Gere
By
The Onion Staff
Pale, doughy, and a touch sad. Eat if peckish.
Summary
The Pew Research Center report reveals that the average American's retirement plan involves Richard Gere falling for them after paying for sex, highlighting a concerning wealth gap.
Key quotes
· 2 pulledOur findings suggest that the vast majority of people are now hinging their retirement on Mr. Gere spotting them on the street, beckoning them over to his sports car, and becoming so smitten with their rough-hewn, street-smart ways that he invites them for an unforgettable evening at his hotel.
Highlighting a growing wealth gap nationwide, the Pew Research Center published a report Wednesday that revealed the average American’s plan for retirement now involves Richard Gere falling for them after paying for sex.
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