Satirical piece: Palantir reportedly acquires Pentagon in $800 billion deal
By
The Onion Staff
Summary
A satirical article reporting that data analytics firm Palantir has acquired the Pentagon for $800 billion, including its classified intelligence data, weapons programs, and military personnel. The piece uses absurd humor to critique the militarized surveillance industry and the relationship between tech companies and the U.S. military-industrial complex.
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Key quotes
· 2 pulledAfter months of negotiating, I am thrilled to announce that the U.S. government has accepted our terms and agreed to sell us the Department of War
the landmark deal—which included the transfer of the agency's classified intelligence data, top secret weapons programs, and over 2.9 million military and civilian employees
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