NORAD Santa Tracker Shows Extended Stop at Former Girlfriend's House in Ohio
By
The Onion Staff
Crumbles when you bite it. Light on filling.
Summary
NORAD's Santa tracking app reportedly showed Santa Claus making a 40-minute stop at his former girlfriend's house in Akron, Ohio around 3 a.m. on Christmas morning. According to the tracking data, Santa parked his sleigh on the roof and entered through the chimney to visit Sheila Bickford, a woman he knew from his single days before becoming Santa.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledNORAD's official tracking app confirmed that Santa Claus paid a visit to his former girlfriend's house around 3 a.m. Wednesday.
With our state-of-the-art satellite technology, we can see that ol' St. Nick parked his reindeer on the roof and took a chimney straight down into the living room of a woman he used to know back in his single days.
Santa Claus paid a visit to his former girlfriend's house around 3 a.m. Wednesday.
You might also wanna read
Satirical Article: Child's Felt Beard Struggles to Stay Attached During Christmas Pageant
The article appears to be a satirical piece from The Onion about a child's felt beard taped to their face during a Christmas pageant. The co
The Onion·5mo ago
Satirical Christmas Tree Care Tips: Absurd Humor for Holiday Decor
This satirical article humorously presents absurd 'tips' for keeping a Christmas tree fresh, including choosing a 'genetically pure tree of
The Onion·5mo ago
Satirical Article Depicts Trump Claiming Epstein Sex-Trafficked Him
A satirical article from The Onion depicting a fictional scenario where President Donald Trump tearfully claims he was sex-trafficked by Jef
The Onion·1h ago
Satirical News Roundup: Absurd Headlines Mock Modern Life and Media
A collection of satirical and absurd news headlines presented in a dry, humorous style. Topics range from fake studies (Starbucks patrons ju
The Onion·1h ago
The Onion's Satirical Top Songs List for May 2026 Parodies News and Modern Life
A satirical article from The Onion presenting a list of absurd, fictional "top songs" for May 2026. The song titles are humorous and surreal
The Onion·2d ago
The Onion's Satirical Profile of Kacey Musgraves Pokes Fun at Country Music Tropes
A satirical profile of Kacey Musgraves published by The Onion, humorously covering her new album "Middle Of Nowhere" with absurd details abo
The Onion·3d ago