Satirical piece: Washington National Opera reportedly lays off 200 'phantoms' in cost-cutting move
A satirical article about the Washington National Opera laying off 200 "phantoms" — ghastly, mysterious men who haunt the catacombs — as a cost-cutting measure after a poor fiscal quarter. The piece humorously treats fictional opera ghosts as real employees being let go, with the general director expressing regret about the timing given historically low job openings for egomaniacal opera ghouls.
Key quotes
In these difficult times, we can no longer afford to keep all the ghastly, mysterious men who haunt our catacombs on this organization's payroll.
As much as we appreciate the contributions of these disfigured geniuses, the strain placed upon our...
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