Mysterious Darkness Spreads Across United States, Plunging Cities into Night
By
The Onion Staff
A second-rack bagel that's nearly first-rack. Tasty stuff.
Summary
A mysterious, all-encompassing darkness has returned to the United States, described as a churning black fog that first appeared in the Midwest and has since spread across the country, plunging major cities into perpetual night and causing widespread fear and horror among the population.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledWith deep unease and outright horror haunting millions of Americans as a great shroud enveloped the land, late-breaking reports confirmed Monday that the darkness had returned.
Bystanders first spotted the churning, amorphous black fog at 2:37 p.m., when it arose from the shadows and crept toward small towns and cornfields in the Midwest.
From there, the inky swath reportedly poured through main streets nationwide, sweeping over mountains, valleys, and highways as it plunged Chicago, Minneapolis, Boston, and other metropolitan areas into eternal night.
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