Man Claims to Be 'Real-Life Dracula' and Recoils from Crucifix on Dating App
By
The Onion Staff
Lacks bite. And filling. And a copy-editor at the bakery.
Summary
A satirical article about a man named Scott Tatum who claims to be a 'real-life Dracula' and dramatically recoils after seeing a woman's Tinder profile picture where she's wearing a crucifix necklace. The article humorously describes his exaggerated reaction as if he were an actual vampire being harmed by the Christian symbol.
Key quotes
· 4 pulled"My eyes, my eyes," said the screaming, writhing 32-year-old
Hissing with distaste as the dreaded Christian symbol suddenly appeared on his phone screen
Scott Tatum—a real-life Dracula—reportedly recoiled Friday after seeing a Tinder profile picture of a woman wearing a crucifix
attempted to swipe away from the photo as quickly as possible before the image... could blind his vision, melt his flesh, and cause his physical form to burst into flame
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