Elon Musk Claims to File for Full Custody of All U.S. Children
By
The Onion Staff
Needed another two minutes in the oven. A half-baked bagel.
Summary
Elon Musk announces he has filed for full custody of all U.S. children, claiming his relationship with American adults has been irreparably damaged by their support for the trans community. He alleges that every American parent supports transitioning infants and calls parents 'pedophiles' and 'groomers,' stating he has a duty to protect over 74 million children from their guardians.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledElon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children.
I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants
he had a duty to protect over 74 million children from their guardians, who he claimed were 'pedophiles' and 'groomers'
Claiming that his relationship with the nation's adults had been 'irreparably' damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community
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