Draymond Green Returns From Halftime With Unusual Calmness and Forehead Scar
By
The Onion Staff
Sat on the counter overnight. Well past its best.
Summary
Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green returned from halftime of a game against the Knicks with an unusually calm demeanor and a large scar on his forehead, displaying bizarre behavior including petting a gerbil on the bench and speaking in simplified language about being a 'good boy' now.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledAngry noise gone from Draymond head…Draymond good boy now
Draymond make no more basketball problems. Only nice basketball
sat on the bench petting a gerbil after setting a screen and then just standing still drooling as the play moved to the other end of the court
You might also wanna read
Pelicans-Kings Game Canceled After Teams Fail to Recover Opening Tipoff
A basketball game between the New Orleans Pelicans and Sacramento Kings reportedly ended without being played after neither team could succe
Satirical MLB Article Announces Electronic Bat Boys to Replace Human Workers
A satirical article about MLB announcing the introduction of electronic bat boys to replace human 13-year-olds, claiming the robots can iden
Satirical Headline Collection: Absurd Fake News Items Including Shai Gilgeous-Alexander Free Throw Foul Attempt
This article is a satirical/humorous collection of absurd and ironic fake news headlines, including a basketball player trying to draw a fou
Satirical Article Depicts Alex Honnold Panicking Atop a Step Ladder
A satirical article about famous rock climber Alex Honnold (known for free solo climbing) having a panic attack at the top of a step ladder,
Satirical Article: Carlos Alcaraz Withdraws from French Open Over Haircut (The Onion)
A satirical article claiming Carlos Alcaraz withdrew from the French Open due to a "career-threatening haircut," humorously framing a bad ha
Flyers Fans Confused Whether Mascot Gritty Eating Live Bird Is Part Of The Act
A satirical news article from The Onion about Philadelphia Flyers fans being confused whether their mascot Gritty eating a live bird is a pl
