Capricorn Zodiac Dates with Whimsical Star Commentary
By
The Onion Staff
Tired, dry, slightly forgotten on the back of the tray.
Summary
The article appears to be a very short, possibly incomplete or placeholder text that mentions Capricorn zodiac dates and a whimsical statement about stars wanting to be a barber. The title references Kash Patel and a Minneapolis mail carrier, but this doesn't connect to the actual content provided.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledThe stars didn't ask for this, you know.
They wanted to be a barber.
Capricorn (December 22 to January 19)
You might also wanna read
Capricorn Horoscope: Stars Wanted to Be a Barber
A humorous astrological horoscope for Capricorn (December 22-January 19) that playfully suggests the stars wanted to be a barber instead of
The Onion·4mo ago
Capricorn Horoscope: Stars' Unfulfilled Barber Aspirations
The article appears to be a very short, possibly satirical or humorous piece that starts with a title about a referee hesitating to make a '
The Onion·4mo ago
Virgo Horoscope: Playful Suggestion to Call Ancient Stars More Often
A humorous Virgo horoscope suggesting that since stars are ancient, Virgos should call them more often, playing on the idea of celestial bod
The Onion·8mo ago
Virgo Horoscope: Stars Wish for More Communication
A humorous astrology horoscope for Virgo (August 23-September 22) suggesting that the ancient stars would appreciate more frequent communica
The Onion·8mo ago
Satirical Guide to Avalanche Survival with Humorous, Absurd Advice
This satirical article humorously presents absurd advice for surviving avalanches, including checking 'God's Wrath Level' before heading out
The Onion·2mo ago
Father Breaks 17-Minute Silence to Praise HBO's Deadwood Series
A local dad in Nashua, New Hampshire breaks a 17-minute silence at the dinner table to praise the HBO series Deadwood, specifically discussi
The Onion·2mo ago