Cabinet Meeting Incident: Defense Secretary Hegseth Laid on Side During Foreign Policy Discussion
By
The Onion Staff
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Summary
The article reports that during a Cabinet meeting, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was laid on his side to keep his airways clear while colleagues discussed foreign policy. According to White House sources, Secretary of State Marco Rubio requested towels to support Hegseth's head and manage bodily fluids as the former Fox News host drifted in and out of consciousness, dry heaving and making incoherent threats against Senator Mark Kelly.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledIn an effort to keep his airways clear while his colleagues discussed foreign policy, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was laid on his side for a Cabinet meeting Friday, according to sources within the White House.
Hey, Scott [Bessent], could you grab us a couple towels to support his head and soak up some of the piss?
Secretary of State Marco Rubio, who reportedly kneeled beside Hegseth while the former Fox News host lapsed in and out of consciousness, drying heaving and occasionally muttering incoherent threats against Sen. Mark Kelly of Arizona.
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