Arch Manning Struggles to Politely Decline Uncle Eli's Persistent Mentorship Offers
By
The Onion Staff
Lightly toasted, lightly seasoned, mostly correct.
Summary
The article is a satirical piece about University of Texas quarterback Arch Manning struggling to find polite excuses to avoid unwanted mentorship from his uncle, former NFL quarterback Eli Manning. Arch has used various excuses like being sick, having dentist appointments, and late football practices, but is running out of plausible ways to decline Eli's persistent attempts to mentor him, despite Eli's good intentions.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledHe means well, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I really don't need him FaceTiming me every day and saying stuff like, 'A Super Bowl winner I sense in you, young padawan,'
University of Texas quarterback Arch Manning confirmed Tuesday that he was quickly running out of polite, semi-plausible excuses to avoid mentorship from his uncle Eli.
Noting that he'd already claimed to be sick, at a dentist appointment, and tied up with an unexpected 9 p.m. football practice
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