Absurd Zodiac Humor: Stars Wanted to Be a Barber
By
The Onion Staff
Hard to chew. Probably not worth the jaw work.
Summary
The article appears to be a brief, nonsensical text that starts with what looks like a zodiac sign (Capricorn) followed by a humorous, absurd statement about stars wanting to be a barber. The content is extremely short (25 words) and doesn't relate to the title about Apple Photos or the Capitol building, suggesting it might be placeholder text, an error, or intentionally absurd content.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledCapricorn (December 22 to January 19):
The stars didn't ask for this, you know.
They wanted to be a barber.
You might also wanna read
The Onion's Satirical Top Songs List for May 2026 Parodies News and Modern Life
A satirical article from The Onion presenting a list of absurd, fictional "top songs" for May 2026. The song titles are humorous and surreal
The Onion·2d ago
The Onion's Satirical Profile of Kacey Musgraves Pokes Fun at Country Music Tropes
A satirical profile of Kacey Musgraves published by The Onion, humorously covering her new album "Middle Of Nowhere" with absurd details abo
The Onion·2d ago
Satirical Headlines Collection Masquerading as News About Starbucks Korea Apology
This article appears to be a satirical/humor piece from what reads like a collection of absurd headlines (e.g., "Mass Grave Not Even That Bi
The Onion·3d ago
Satirical article claims Listerine leaves 0.1% of germs alive to terrorize microbial community
This is a satirical news article from The Onion-style publication reporting that Listerine mouthwash deliberately leaves 0.1% of germs alive
The Onion·3d ago
Satirical Headlines Collection: Enhanced Games and Other Absurd Fake News Items
This is a satirical article from The Onion-style humor publication. The headline "Enhanced Games Allows Competing Athletes To Use Steroids"
The Onion·4d ago
Satirical Article: Pete Hegseth Reportedly Enraged by Imaginary Plus-Sized Astronaut
A satirical article from The Onion about Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth becoming enraged after imagining a plus-sized astronaut. The piec
theonion.com·5d ago