The Onion's Satirical Declaration of Independence From the Rest of the World
By
The Onion Staff
12h ago· 6 min readen
Summary
A satirical piece from The Onion, written in the style of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, humorously declaring America's independence from the rest of the world. It parodies the original document's language and structure while listing absurd grievances against other nations — such as their metric systems, confusing electrical outlets, inferior chocolate, and annoying accents — ultimately "severing ties" with the global community in a mock-heroic, over-the-top fashion typical of The Onion's brand of political and cultural satire.
Source
The OnionThe Onion's Satirical Declaration of Independence From the Rest of the Worldtheonion.comKey quotes
· 3 pulledWhen, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bands which have connected them with other far more annoying and troublesome peoples...
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the good of the American people, preferring instead to listen to the advice of foreigners who don't even know what a football is.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the Onion Editorial Board, do, in the Name and by Authority of the good People of this Nation, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be, Free and Independent from the Rest of the World.
In The Onion, July 4, 2026By the REPRESENTATIVES of theONION EDITORIAL BOARD, When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the bands which have connected them with other far more annoying and troublesome peoples, an
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