Vermont Fourth Grader Buys Only Medieval Torture Books at School Book Fair
By
The Onion Staff
Plain bagel done well. Pleasantly substantive.
Summary
A mother in Burlington, Vermont humorously notes that her fourth-grade son Ethan purchased only books about medieval torture at his school book fair, spending $70 on materials detailing gruesome historical punishments like breaking convicts on the wheel, strappado (shoulder dislocation), and stretching victims on the rack. Despite the morbid subject matter, she appreciates that his obsession is at least encouraging him to read, and he's currently winning his school's reading competition due to his voracious consumption of these historical torture accounts.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledWell, that's another $70 haul of books about breaking convicts on the wheel and dislocating their shoulders by strappado
Voicing appreciation for the fact that the boy's morbid obsession was at least getting him to read
the fourth grader was currently winning his school's competition to read the most books thanks to his endless appetite for accounts of victims being stretched on the rack
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