The Onion Satirizes JD Vance With Story About Him Being Forgotten in Secure Hiding Area
By
The Onion Staff
Kettled twice. Extra chewy, extra trustworthy.
Summary
A satirical article from The Onion reporting that Vice President JD Vance is still waiting in a secure hiding area for Secret Service agents to retrieve him, humorously depicting him as forgotten or abandoned during a security situation. The piece uses absurd, exaggerated details to mock political figures and security protocols.
Key quotes
· 3 pulled'I've been in this panic room for what feels like hours,' Vance told reporters from inside the secure location. 'I keep hearing footsteps outside, but nobody ever comes in.'
'At this point, I'm starting to think they forgot about me,' Vance added, peering through the small window in the door.
'This is the longest I've ever gone without anyone checking on me,' Vance said. 'Even my mom used to check on me more than this.'
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