The Onion Satirical Weather Report: "Dreary Until March" at 29°
By
The Onion Staff
Sesame, salt, and substance. A flagship bake.
Summary
The article appears to be a satirical news piece from The Onion, America's self-proclaimed 'Finest News Source,' featuring a fictional weather report of 'Dreary until March' with temperatures at 29°. The content includes repeated calls to 'Become A Member. Get The Paper.' and contains typical Onion website navigation elements like News, Local, Politics, Entertainment, Sports, Opinion, Video, Horoscopes, and The Onion Store. The article seems to parody traditional news media with exaggerated weather forecasts and membership promotion.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledBecome A Member. Get The Paper.
Dreary until March
America's Finest News Source
Wednesday, January 7, 2026
29°
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