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Satirical Report: Dover Police Describe Elderly Couple's Deaths in House Fire as 'Bearable Tragedy'

By

The Onion Staff

1mo ago· 1 min readen

Summary

A satirical news report from Dover, Wisconsin describes a house fire that killed an elderly couple as a 'bearable tragedy' that local residents find 'more-or-less tolerable.' Police Chief Andrew McDonagh characterizes the deaths as 'small,' 'understandable,' and 'entirely endurable' in the grand scheme of things, suggesting such misfortune is routine and expected elsewhere but surprising in their small town.

Key quotes

· 3 pulled
In an incident local residents have described as more-or-less tolerable, authorities announced Friday that only two were dead in what many were calling a completely bearable tragedy.
We're all still searching for words to talk about this loss—but the first that occurred to me were 'small' and 'understandable,'
the deaths of elderly couple Jim and Nancy Firks in a house fire were 'entirely endurable' in the grand scheme of things.
Snippet from the RSS feed
DOVER, WI—In an incident local residents have described as more-or-less tolerable, authorities announced Friday that only two were dead in what many were calling a completely bearable tragedy. “We’re all still searching for words to talk about this loss—b

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