Satirical Piece: Arkansas Farmer Buys Guard Dog to Protect Livestock from RFK Jr.
By
The Onion Staff
1mo ago· 1 min readen
38/100
Stale
Bagelometer↗
Hard to chew. Probably not worth the jaw work.
Score38TypesatireSentimentneutral
Summary
A satirical article about a farmer in Roland, Arkansas who buys a guard dog to protect his livestock from Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who is humorously portrayed as a rabid predator decimating cattle inventory. The piece uses absurdist humor to mock RFK Jr.'s controversial reputation.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledI first knew something was getting into the pens when I found a tattered, bloody pair of jeans tangled up in the razor wire
I've heard tell of nearby farms getting picked clean by RFK Jr., so I went and bought me a guard dog in case he ever comes back
the dog has been trained to bark when
ROLAND, AR—Expressing frustration that the rabid Cabinet member had completely decimated the cattle inventory, local farmer Lindon Trelby told reporters he purchased a guard dog Tuesday to protect his livestock from Health and Human Services Secretary Rob
