Satirical Article Parodies Immigration Crackdown Rhetoric Applied to Daycare Workers

Daycare workers have walked freely in this country for far too long.

We have allowed these people to watch our children, feed them snacks, and even teach them basic social skills without so much as a background check.

From this day forward, any individual who so much as looks at a child in a daycare setting will be subject to immediate fingerprinting, a full criminal background check, and a thorough investigation into their family history.

We will be installing surveillance cameras in every daycare facility, and we will be monitoring all interactions between workers and children to ensure that no one is engaging in unauthorized playtime or unsanctioned naptime.

If you are a daycare worker, know this: we are watching you. We are tracking you. And we will not rest until every last one of you is either behind bars or deported back to whatever preschool you came from.