Satirical Article Mocks Public Fascination With Man's Physical Attributes
By
The Onion Staff
There's a fresh bagel in here somewhere. We couldn't find it.
Summary
A satirical news article from The Onion-style publication describing the fictional enthrallment of the entire U.S. population by a middle-aged man with a notably large posterior. The piece uses exaggerated, humorous language to mock media sensationalism and public fascination with trivial physical attributes.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledThat middle-aged man has an absolute bakery back there, said Harlan Davis, 33, echoing the sentiments of 340 million Americans who could not look away from the prodigious dumper.
My God, that curvaceous rear is hypnotic. There's no way he can buy his pants off the rack.
Forget about a quarter—you could bounce a full half dollar off that thing. I want to cry that rump is so beautifully plump.
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