Satirical Article About Cousins Making Thanksgiving Pact
By
The Onion Staff
Toasted golden, schmeared with insight. Top of the rack.
Summary
The article appears to be from The Onion, America's satirical news source, featuring a humorous piece about cousins making a pact to get laid by the end of Thanksgiving. The content includes typical Onion formatting with weather reports, visibility jokes, and navigation elements. The article seems to be a satirical take on family dynamics and holiday pressures, presented in The Onion's signature style of absurdist humor.
Key quotes
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Thursday, April 9, 2026
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The post Cousins Form Pact To Get Laid By End Of Thanksgiving appeared first on The Onion.
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