Dog's Internal Debate: Attack or Show Belly to Visitor
By
The Onion Staff
Yesterday's bagel. Skim it, don't savour it.
Summary
A humorous fictional account of a pit bull mix named Toby who must quickly decide whether to attack or show submission to a visitor at the door. The article anthropomorphizes the dog's thought process as he weighs the risks and benefits of each option, torn between his love for belly rubs and his protective instincts.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledI really love getting scritchy-scratchies on my tumtum, but if this guy is dangerous, then the safer bet is to slaughter him
He's smiling at me! I should roll over and present my belly. But maybe that's what he w
Immediately conducting a risk assessment after he heard the doorbell ring, local dog Toby was reportedly forced Wednesday to make a split-second decision about whether to kill or show his tummy to an unknown visitor
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