Satire: Cult Member Patiently Waits For Explanation After Ritual Penis Removal
By
The Onion Staff
Crackling crust, pillowy middle. The kind of bagel that earns a second cup of coffee.
Summary
A satirical article from The Onion about cult member Jason Fitzpatrick who, after having his penis ritually removed, patiently assumes the reason will eventually come up in conversation rather than asking directly. The piece humorously explores his passive acceptance of the situation and his attempts to subtly gather information without appearing demanding as a new recruit.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledThe last thing I want to do as a new recruit is come in demanding explanations
I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for all this, and I don't want to seem like I'm not a team player
It'll probably come up naturally if I just wait long enough
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