Owner's Guide to Operating a 1970s Porsche 914 with Mechanical Issues
By
visviva
Pulled from the oven just right. Trustworthy, fact-dense, deeply satisfying.
Summary
A humorous first-person narrative written as a letter to a potential car thief, detailing the quirks and mechanical issues of the author's 1970s Porsche 914. The article provides tongue-in-cheek instructions for operating the vintage vehicle, including its disconnected battery, faulty ignition, and various mechanical problems, while maintaining a lighthearted tone about the car's poor condition and the author's acceptance of its limitations.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledWelcome to my Porsche 914. I imagine that at this point (having found the door unlocked) your intention is to steal my car.
Don't be encouraged by this; the tumblers sheared off in 1978. I would have locked it up if I could, so don't think you're too clever or that I'm too lazy.
First, the battery is disconnected, so slide-hammering my ignition switch is not your first step.
I leave the battery disconnected, not to foil hoodlums such as yourself, but because there is a mysterious cu
You might also wanna read
Satirical Guide to Avalanche Survival with Humorous, Absurd Advice
This satirical article humorously presents absurd advice for surviving avalanches, including checking 'God's Wrath Level' before heading out
The Onion·2mo ago
Father Breaks 17-Minute Silence to Praise HBO's Deadwood Series
A local dad in Nashua, New Hampshire breaks a 17-minute silence at the dinner table to praise the HBO series Deadwood, specifically discussi
The Onion·2mo ago
Florida Dad Prefers 2005 Commercial Over Vast Media Archives
A local dad in Hialeah, Florida, declares his favorite piece of media is a 2005 commercial, bypassing vast cultural archives to search for a
The Onion·3mo ago
Dog's Internal Debate: Attack or Show Belly to Visitor
A humorous fictional account of a pit bull mix named Toby who must quickly decide whether to attack or show submission to a visitor at the d
The Onion·3mo ago
Capricorn Horoscope: Stars Wanted to Be a Barber
A humorous astrological horoscope for Capricorn (December 22-January 19) that playfully suggests the stars wanted to be a barber instead of
The Onion·4mo ago
Capricorn Horoscope: Stars' Unfulfilled Barber Aspirations
The article appears to be a very short, possibly satirical or humorous piece that starts with a title about a referee hesitating to make a '
The Onion·4mo ago