Satirical Report: God Announces End of Pebble Production by 2026
By
The Onion Staff
Pale and squishy. Not ruined, just not done.
Summary
A satirical article from The Onion-style publication reporting that God has announced He will discontinue creating pebbles starting in 2026 to focus on stones, rocks, and boulders, citing that the 300 billion pebbles already in circulation are mostly unused by humanity.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledStarting in the year of our Me 2026, I will be ceasing creation of the pebble so that I can turn My focus toward stones, rocks, and boulders.
It's time to phase the pebble out. We all know they're mostly just taking up space.
There were already 300 billion pebbles in circulation, the vast majority of which were no longer being used by humanity.
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