Satirical piece imagines Elon Musk texting his children for ketamine
By
The Onion Staff
Not artisan, but a perfectly fine bagel. Hits the spot.
Summary
A satirical article depicting Elon Musk frantically texting his 13 children in the middle of the night asking if any of them can supply him with ketamine. The piece humorously portrays Musk as desperate and unwell, messaging a group chat labeled "Kids?" to find a drug hookup.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledHey kids, it's Dad, I've just been crashing out hard and need a few bumps of K to get me to the end of the week if you have any hookups
Really need to take a trip to the vet if you know what I mean. That's ketamine, I need ketamine.
Firing off dozens of messages in less than a minute at 2:30 a.m., Elon Musk reportedly hit up a text thread Wednesday to see if any of his 13 kids had ketamine.
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