The Exhausting Ritual of Softening Women's Voices: One Founder's 17-Year Reflection on Workplace Patronage
By
Katy Cowan
Sesame, salt, and substance. A flagship bake.
Summary
The article recounts the author's experience of posting a carefully worded, disclaimer-laden question on LinkedIn about a pattern of patronizing and unsolicited comments she's received over 17 years running Creative Boom. She reflects on the exhausting reality that women often feel compelled to soften their language, add reassurances, and preemptively defend themselves before speaking about gender-based workplace experiences. The piece explores the broader phenomenon of how women are conditioned to make themselves palatable when addressing inequality, and the emotional toll of having to say "the quiet part out loud" while still trying not to offend.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledIt wasn't a big statement. Nor was it a manifesto. It was merely a question, carefully worded, cautiously framed – prefaced with a 'bear with me' and padded with reassurances that I adore men, that my three closest friends are men, that I wasn't trying to kick up a fuss.
The fact that I felt I needed to do that, it turns out, is the whole story.
Every cruel or unsolicited, patronising comment I'd received in nearly two decades of running Creative Boom had come from...
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