Cornell Study Finds Walkie-Talkie Voice Quality Should Be Normal by Now
By
The Onion Staff
A snack-sized bagel for a snack-sized appetite.
Summary
A Cornell University study humorously concludes that walkie-talkie voices should sound normal by now given current technological advancements, noting the irony that while humanity develops quantum computers, two-way radio voices remain tinny and crackly.
Key quotes
· 3 pulled"After countless hours of fact-finding and analysis, we've concluded that it's 2025, and the speaker shouldn't be all crackly anymore"
"it was 'pretty messed-up' that voices in two-way radio transceivers still came out tinny and could be difficult"
"Citing numerous advancements in communication technology over the years, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Cornell University found that voices coming through walkie-talkies should sound normal by now"
You might also wanna read
Satirical Article: Unemployed Man Considers Going Back to School to 'Become an AI'
A satirical news piece about an unemployed 36-year-old man in Pikeville, Kentucky who is considering going back to school to 'become an AI'
The Onion·2mo ago
Satirical Q&A on Data Center Resource Use and Regulation
A satirical Q&A article from The Onion humorously addressing concerns about data centers, particularly their resource consumption (water, el
The Onion·7mo ago
Satirical Article Mocks ChatGPT Safety Features with Absurd Proposals
The Onion satirically reports on fictional new safety features supposedly coming to ChatGPT, including absurd measures like beginning every
The Onion·8mo ago
Satirical MLB Article Announces Electronic Bat Boys to Replace Human Workers
A satirical article about MLB announcing the introduction of electronic bat boys to replace human 13-year-olds, claiming the robots can iden
The Onion·9d ago
Foreign Exchange Student Unaware He Is Being Bullied, Misinterprets Harassment as Friendliness
A satirical article from The Onion about a foreign exchange student named Davor Radogost who is being severely bullied by his classmates but
The Onion·27d ago
Satire: Steve Jobs' Corpse Rises From Grave With Crude Drawing of 'The Octomac' Device
A satirical article from The Onion reporting that Steve Jobs' corpse has burst from his grave, clutching a crude drawing of a device called
The Onion·1mo ago