Satirical MLB Article Announces Electronic Bat Boys to Replace Human Workers
By
The Onion Staff
9d ago· 2 min readen
65/100
Toasty
Bagelometer↗
Crispy enough to crunch, soft enough to enjoy. A good bake.
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Summary
A satirical article about MLB announcing the introduction of electronic bat boys to replace human 13-year-olds, claiming the robots can identify discarded equipment with 99.7% accuracy and come preprogrammed with encouraging phrases. The piece humorously critiques MLB's push toward automation and reducing human error in baseball.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledMLB executives announced Friday that they would be attempting to reduce human error with new electronic bat boys.
Until now, MLB has depended on the discernment of 13-year-olds to ferry gear to and from the batter's box, and the reality is they are susceptible to mistakes.
The robotic helpers could identify discarded equipment with 99.7% accuracy, and also came preprogrammed with a variety of encouraging phrases like 'Go'
NEW YORK—Calling the innovation a remarkable step forward in removing fallible judgment from the game, MLB executives announced Friday that they would be attempting to reduce human error with new electronic bat boys. “Until now, MLB has depended on the di
