Congress Approves $45 Million for Fairy Lights Along U.S. Border
By
The Onion Staff
Yesterday's bagel, baked twice. Familiar and a bit tough.
Summary
Congress has allocated $45 million to install fairy lights along the U.S. border, with bipartisan support from Rep. Sam Graves (R-MO) who claims the funding will make the nation "cozier" and address the "tragically unadorned" borders with "dreamier, more whimsical decor." The project aims to cover over 7,500 miles of border with twinkling LED string lights to improve the country's ambience.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledThis funding will go a long way toward making our great nation even cozier
It's high time we address the problems of our crumbling infrastructure with dreamier, more whimsical decor
For too long, our borders have been left tragically unadorned, with only harsh overh
You might also wanna read
Kemi Badenoch argues future Tories should be 'C words' in provocative think piece
Kemi Badenoch, in a think piece titled 'This Z-list Labour Parliament is everything that's wrong with British politics', argues that the nex
thecanary.co·2h ago
Levantamento aponta que governo Lula e Congresso geraram quase R$ 1 trilhão em custos extras na conta de luz até 2050
A Frente Nacional dos Consumidores de Energia divulgou levantamento indicando que o terceiro mandato do presidente Lula e a atual legislatur
www1.folha.uol.com.br·1d ago
Canada enters technical recession amid scrutiny of $200,000 government spending on luxury in-flight meals
Canada has officially entered a technical recession according to Statistics Canada, while the federal government is facing scrutiny over spe
financialpost.com·1d ago
Data leak exposes Trump T1 phone customer contact details
A data leak exposed the personal contact details of customers who purchased or reserved the Trump T1 phone. The article, written in a satiri
newsthump.com·2d ago
How Garry Trudeau and Doonesbury Satirized Donald Trump Over Decades
An excerpt from a biography about Garry Trudeau and Doonesbury, focusing on how the cartoonist approached the 2016 election cycle. Initially
Defector·2d ago
The Onion Satirizes Government Overreach With Fictional DOJ Investigation Into All Women
A satirical article from The Onion reporting that the U.S. Department of Justice has launched a criminal investigation into all women. The p
The Onion·3d ago