Analyzing Facts and Figures of the U.S. Army's 250th Anniversary Military Parade
By
The Onion Staff
Sat on the counter overnight. Well past its best.
Summary
The article discusses the upcoming military parade in Washington, D.C. to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the U.S. Army, presenting humorous and exaggerated facts and figures related to the event.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledRepurposed Mastercard Pride floats
Likelihood tanks cave in city street and plunge into center of Earth
Attendees who just remembered parades are kind of boring to watch
You might also wanna read
The Onion Satirizes Fan Outrage Over 'The Mandalorian And Grogu' Being Ranked Third-Best Star Wars Film
A satirical article from The Onion reporting that fans are "slamming" the upcoming film 'The Mandalorian And Grogu' as the third-best Star W
The Onion·1d agoThe Onion Satirizes Fan Outrage Over 'The Mandalorian And Grogu' Being Ranked Third-Best Star Wars Film
A satirical article from The Onion reporting that fans are "slamming" the upcoming film 'The Mandalorian And Grogu' as the third-best Star W
theonion.com·1d ago
Satire: Harry Styles Tour Merch Reportedly Includes Perimenopause Supplements
A satirical article reporting that Harry Styles' 2026 "Together, Together" tour merchandise includes perimenopause supplements priced at $65
The Onion·2d ago
How Garry Trudeau and Doonesbury Satirized Donald Trump Over Decades
An excerpt from a biography about Garry Trudeau and Doonesbury, focusing on how the cartoonist approached the 2016 election cycle. Initially
Defector·2d ago
Satirical article imagines Pope issuing encyclical criticizing Disney's Star Wars strategy
A satirical article about Pope Leo XIV releasing a 60,000-word encyclical titled "Palpatinus Referendum" criticizing Disney's handling of th
The Onion·2d ago
The Onion's Satirical Top Songs List for May 2026 Parodies News and Modern Life
A satirical article from The Onion presenting a list of absurd, fictional "top songs" for May 2026. The song titles are humorous and surreal
The Onion·2d ago