Satirical piece examines JD Vance's conflicting influences: Pope Leo XIV and Peter Thiel
By
AJ Dellinger
Crackling crust, pillowy middle. The kind of bagel that earns a second cup of coffee.
Summary
This satirical article portrays JD Vance as being caught between two conflicting influences: Pope Leo XIV, representing a pro-human religious perspective, and Peter Thiel, the billionaire tech investor who backed his political rise. The piece uses religious allegory (40 days of fasting, desert wandering) to frame Vance's current political struggles, including being on the outs with Donald Trump. It presents the tension between faith-driven human-centric values and tech-industry/libertarian influences as a central conflict in Vance's political identity.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledJD Vance did his 40 days and nights of fasting, but he's still lost in the desert.
Currently on the outs with Donald Trump for making the mistake of thinking he was serious about that whole 'no new wars' thing
the Vice President has two people whispering into his ear offering guidance: the Pope, the most important earth-bound figure in his deeply held faith, and Peter Thiel, the billionaire who made him relevant.
Unfortunately for Vance, the two are diametrically opposed forces.
In one corner is Pope Leo XIV, the first American pope with a decidedly pro-human agenda
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