Satirical piece: White House doctor jokingly claims Trump is 9 feet tall and 35 years old
By
The Onion Staff
Master baker tier. Every paragraph earns its place on the tray.
Summary
A satirical article from The Onion reporting that the White House doctor claims Donald Trump is a perfectly healthy 9-foot-tall 35-year-old after a routine medical exam. The piece humorously exaggerates the administration's claims about Trump's health, listing absurd vital signs and physical attributes. The article is clearly parody, mocking how political figures often make exaggerated or dubious health claims about leaders.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledAfter concluding his physical, I can say with confidence that President Trump exhibits normal vitals for a 9-foot-tall 35-year-old male.
The president's blood pressure is 120 over 80, his resting heart rate is 60 beats per minute, and his height is 9 feet exactly.
President Trump is in excellent health and has the body of a man half his age, assuming that man is also 9 feet tall.
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