Virgo Horoscope: Call the Stars More Often
By
The Onion Staff
Hard to chew. Probably not worth the jaw work.
Summary
A brief horoscope-style message for Virgo zodiac sign (August 23-September 22) suggesting they should call the stars more often, with a humorous tone about the stars' age.
Key quotes
· 2 pulledThe stars are a trillion years old and are only getting older
so it would be nice if you called them more often
You might also wanna read
The Overwhelming Presence of Ads in Everyday Life
A satirical/opinion piece expressing frustration with the overwhelming presence of advertisements in modern life — from phone apps and radio
blog.absurdpirate.com·16h ago
Horóscopo de junio de 2026: predicciones para todos los signos del zodiaco
Horoscope predictions for all zodiac signs for June 2026, highlighting the influence of Mercury on communication and relationships, and a po
20minutos.es·1d ago
Horóscopo del 30 de mayo de 2026: Predicciones diarias para los 12 signos zodiacales
Daily horoscope predictions for May 30, 2026, covering love, money, and work for all 12 zodiac signs (Aries through Pisces). The article pro
elcomercio.pe·2d ago
A Former Intern Recalls Bombing While Standing In for Stephen Colbert on The Late Show
A personal essay from a former intern who filled in for Stephen Colbert on "The Late Show" in 2017, recounting the experience of bombing on
IndieWire·2d ago
Horóscopo del viernes 29 de mayo de 2026: predicciones en amor, trabajo y negocios para cada signo
This is a daily horoscope article for Friday, May 29, 2026, providing astrological predictions for each zodiac sign. It covers predictions r
elcomercio.pe·2d ago
Influenciadora Edi Ribeiro usa humor para promover autoestima e amor próprio entre mulheres
Edi Ribeiro, uma influenciadora cearense com mais de 5 milhões de seguidores, usa humor e autenticidade para promover autoestima e amor próp
mla.bs·2d ago