Trump Announces $1 Million 'Citizenship Pill' Through TrumpRx Website
By
The Onion Staff
Hard crust, hollow middle. Skim only.
Summary
President Donald Trump announces a $1 million 'citizenship pill' available through his direct-to-consumer website TrumpRx, claiming it offers instant U.S. citizenship without traditional naturalization processes like tests or oath ceremonies. The gold-pigmented tablets are marketed as providing all privileges of lifelong citizenship and, at higher doses, fulfilling civic obligations like jury duty.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledInstead of sitting through a stupid test and having to attend some boring oath ceremony, you take one tablet and instantly receive all the privileges you'd have had if you'd lived here all your life
Touting it as the fastest and most convenient way for people from foreign countries to be a part of the American Dream
President Donald Trump announced Friday that his direct-to-consumer website TrumpRx would offer a $1 million citizenship pill
at higher doses, the gold-pigmented tablets also fulfilled several civic obligations such as jury duty
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