Collection of Satirical Headlines from The Onion

Summary

This is a collection of satirical headlines from The Onion, a humor publication. The article presents absurd, fictional news items including: Trump claiming Americans' economic pain is irrelevant to Iran negotiations; a man with an undetected tumor finally flossing; theater staff allowing inappropriate behavior at a 'Melania' screening; a drunk man seeking lifelong companionship in a bar; Purple applying for primary color status; a scratch-off ticket with absurd winning conditions; a couple dying in a helicopter blade accident; a British novel protagonist saying 'Erm'; a 'Law & Order: SVU' writer struggling for story ideas; and all good baby names being taken by ninjas.