Satirical Report: ICE Agent Allegedly Deports Own Family to Meet Quota
By
The Onion Staff
3mo ago· 3 min readen
65/100
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Summary
An ICE agent reportedly deports his own family, including his Guatemalan-born wife who entered the U.S. as a child, as a convenient way to meet his arrest quota. The satirical article portrays the agent celebrating this as an 'easy win' that allows him to slack off for the rest of the day.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledSaying he couldn't remember the last time an immigration raid had been so convenient, fast, or fun
The 45-year-old ICE official told reporters he had 'hit the jackpot' when he realized that because his wife of over a decade had been born in Guatemala and crossed the border with her parents as a 3-year-old child
he could just wake up, meet his arrest quota first thing in the morning, and then have the remainder of the day to slack off
CHICAGO—Saying he couldn’t remember the last time an immigration raid had been so convenient, fast, or fun, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Mark Hammond reportedly scored an easy win Monday when he successfully deported his own family. The 45-ye
