Satirical Report: God Praises Imitation Crab as Tasting Just as Good as Real Crab
By
The Onion Staff
Even the toaster can't save this one.
Summary
A satirical article reporting that God has admitted imitation crab tastes just as good as real crab, praising the man-made food item as 'on par with the real thing' and acknowledging that He wouldn't have bothered creating crabs if He knew the substitute would be this decent.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledGod Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, admitted Thursday that imitation crab tastes just as good as the living crabs that He created
Credit where credit is due—between the pleasant taste and low cost, I definitely don't hate this
I wouldn't have bothered to invent the decapod crustacean species in the first place had I known the fish-based substitute would be 'this decent'
You might also wanna read
Satirical Article: Fictional Baked Potato Association Study Recommends Loading Potatoes with Toppings
The article appears to be a satirical piece from The Onion, America's self-proclaimed 'Finest News Source,' featuring a fictional study by t
The Onion·2mo ago
Satirical Article Critiques Football-Themed Napkins as Nonabsorbent and Uncomfortable
The article is a satirical piece from The Onion about football-themed napkins at a Super Bowl party that are described as too nonabsorbent a
The Onion·3mo ago
Satirical Article Mocks Health Recommendations with Fruity Euphemisms
The article presents a satirical take on health recommendations, with fictional health experts from the American Medical Association warning
The Onion·4mo ago
Satirical Take on How Sweet Potato Dishes Lose Health Benefits Through Excessive Ingredients
The article appears to be a satirical piece from The Onion, America's self-proclaimed 'Finest News Source,' with a humorous take on how a sw
The Onion·6mo ago
The Onion's Satirical Top Songs List for May 2026 Parodies News and Modern Life
A satirical article from The Onion presenting a list of absurd, fictional "top songs" for May 2026. The song titles are humorous and surreal
The Onion·2d ago
The Onion's Satirical Profile of Kacey Musgraves Pokes Fun at Country Music Tropes
A satirical profile of Kacey Musgraves published by The Onion, humorously covering her new album "Middle Of Nowhere" with absurd details abo
The Onion·2d ago