Satirical Report: Electric Guitar Versions of 'Jingle Bells' Signal Modern, Non-Traditional Adaptations

Noting that the traditional carol had undergone an unmistakably hardcore sonic shift, a new report published Tuesday found that the presence of an electric guitar means you can be pretty damn sure that what you're listening to is not your mother's 'Jingle Bells.'

Whether you're out Christmas shopping at Old Navy, watching a trailer for an action movie where Santa Claus goes missing, or trying to skip a YouTube ad for a holiday sale on wireless earbuds, as soon as you hear that badass Stratocaster kick in, it quickly becomes clear the version of 'Jingle Bells' you're hearing is not the traditional one.

The report suggests that electric guitar renditions have become a hallmark of commercialized, modern holiday music adaptations.