Satirical Report: DHS Claims to Waive Species Requirements for ICE Agents
By
The Onion Staff
6mo ago· 4 min readen
65/100
Toasty
Bagelometer↗
A bagel you'd recommend to a friend without hedging.
Score65TypesatireSentimentneutral
Summary
The Department of Homeland Security announced it would waive species requirements for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents, allowing non-human animals to join the agency. This satirical announcement comes as part of an effort to expand recruitment for immigration enforcement, with Secretary Kristi Noem stating that birds, primates, and reptiles could now participate in raids and immigration court operations.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledIn an effort to expand recruitment for President Donald Trump's immigration crackdown, the Department of Homeland Security announced Tuesday that it would waive the species requirements for new Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents.
At a press conference, Home-land Security Secretary Kristi Noem said eligibility requirements that previously limited ICE applicants to the species Homo sapiens would now permit any animal to join.
opening the door for countless birds, primates, and reptiles to participate in raids of immigrants' workplaces, conduct ambushes at immigration court
WASHINGTON—In an effort to expand recruitment for President Donald Trump’s immigration crackdown, the Department of Homeland Security announced Tuesday that it would waive the species requirements for new Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents. At a p
