Satirical Holiday Cooking Guide for Lonely Singles
By
The Onion Staff
6mo ago· 2 min readen
55/100
Doughy
Bagelometer↗
Looks the part, but the middle's still raw. Chew with caution.
Score55TypesatireSentimentnegative
Summary
The Onion presents a satirical holiday cooking guide for single people, offering darkly humorous steps to create a miserable dining experience for one. The guide includes instructions like leaving a long voicemail for an ex-wife, using Andrew Tate's 'Ultimate Male Turkey Powder,' turning on a burner to feel something, and using a steak knife to catch a glimpse of what appears to be a reference to self-harm or despair. The article mocks holiday loneliness and isolation through exaggerated, absurd cooking instructions.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledWith the festive season upon us and our hearts filled with the reality that we've never been so isolated and alone
The Onion offers an extensive guide featuring tips and tricks for preparing an unforgettable annual feast to create a completely miserable dining experience for one
Leave your ex-wife a long, meandering voicemail
Measure one cup of Andrew Tate's Ultimate Male Turkey Powder
Turn an unused burner on medium and place your hand on it to feel something, anything at all
With the festive season upon us and our hearts filled with the reality that we’ve never been so isolated and alone, The Onion offers an extensive guide featuring tips and tricks for preparing an unforgettable annual feast to create a completely miserable
