Satirical Call for Collective Action Through Mass Participation
By
The Onion Staff
A second-rack bagel that's nearly first-rack. Tasty stuff.
Summary
The article presents a satirical call to collective action, using provocative language to humorously suggest mass simultaneous masturbation as a form of protest or unity. The author frames this as a 'marvelous proposition' that could be achieved through collective participation, arguing that individual vulnerability can be overcome through mass coordination.
Key quotes
· 4 pulledC'mon, everybody, and join in! There's too many of us for them to stop us from jerking off all at once!
Gather 'round, friends, and lend me your ears! Today, I bring to you a marvelous proposition, one that can become a reality with everyone's help.
For alone, each of us is just one little person. But together, absolutely nothing can keep us from attaining our desires.
Of course, we're vulnerable if we stay isolated while rub
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