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Satirical Article: Conservatives Allegedly Lose English Ability After Bad Bunny Super Bowl Performance

By

The Onion Staff

3mo ago· 2 min readen

Summary

A satirical article reports that millions of conservatives lost their ability to speak English after being exposed to Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime performance, with a fictional character named Randy Hance experiencing the phenomenon and switching to Spanish expressions mid-sentence.

Key quotes

· 3 pulled
BOISE, ID—Crying out '¡Dios mío!' and '¡Ayúdame!' as soon as they heard the opening notes of the Puerto Rican superstar's 'EoO,' millions of terrified conservatives reportedly lost the ability to speak English Sunday after exposure to Bad Bunny's Super Bowl LX halftime performance.
'Oh, what a crock-load of mierda—¿qué?—¿qué está pasando?' said local 43-year-old Randy Hance, who in a scene that was currently unfolding in millions of households across the nation jumped out of his seat and clutched at his throat as he realized he was no longer able to speak any language.
Crying out '¡Dios mío!' and '¡Ayúdame!' as soon as they heard the opening notes of the Puerto Rican superstar's 'EoO,' millions of terrified conservatives reportedly lost the ability to speak English Sunday after exposure to Bad Bunny's Super Bowl LX halftime performance.
Snippet from the RSS feed
BOISE, ID—Crying out “¡Dios mío!” and “¡Ayúdame!” as soon as they heard the opening notes of the Puerto Rican superstar’s “EoO,” millions of terrified conservatives reportedly lost the ability to speak English Sunday after exposure to Bad Bunny’s Super Bo

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