Satirical Advice for Making Friends as an Adult
By
The Onion Staff
Has the shape of a bagel but none of the steam.
Summary
The Onion provides satirical advice for adults struggling to make new friends, offering absurd suggestions like calling parents by their first names, finding volunteer work to abandon when social life improves, hanging out at childhood playgrounds, ending rap rivalries, and reconnecting with old friends to find better alternatives.
Key quotes
· 5 pulledStart calling your parents by their first names.
Find a volunteer cause you can immediately dispense with the second your social life picks up.
Hang out at the playground where you made your first friend as a kid—sometimes lightning does strike twice.
End any outstanding East Coast vs. West Coast rap beefs.
Reconnect with old friends to see if they know anyone better they
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