RFK Jr. Advocates Pubic Hair as Natural Defense Against Urethral Insect Intrusion
By
The Onion Staff
2mo ago· 2 min readen
65/100
Toasty
Bagelometer↗
Not artisan, but a perfectly fine bagel. Hits the spot.
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Summary
The article reports that Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has urged Americans to grow extensive pubic hair as a natural defense mechanism against insects entering the urethra. He claims pubic hair has tensile strength exceeding steel and serves as a vital barrier to prevent bugs from crawling into penis holes. The article presents this as official health advice from the nation's top health official.
Key quotes
· 3 pulledPubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with tensile strength exceeding that of steel
they serve as a vital barrier for preventing small insects from wriggling into penis holes in search of nutrients or shelter
urging Americans to follow his example by covering their groins with a
WASHINGTON—Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes. “Pubes are the
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