RFK Jr. Advocates Eating 'Good Cancer' to Combat 'Bad Cancer'
By
The Onion Staff
Pale and squishy. Not ruined, just not done.
Summary
Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. controversially recommends consuming 'good cancer' to counteract 'bad cancer,' claiming they neutralize each other. He demonstrated grating tumors from medical waste into meals as an alternative to traditional treatments.
Key quotes
· 2 pulled“They cancel each other out,” Kennedy told reporters as he demonstrated how he uses a Microplane to grate tumors he forages from medical waste bins, incorporating their positive carcinogenic effects into his meals.
“Instead of flooding your system with nasty chemicals that big pharmaceutical companies manufact”
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