Satirical report claims music's unifying power has declined 74%
By
The Onion Staff
Crisped on the outside, thoughtful enough on the inside.
Summary
A satirical report from the Recording Industry Association of America claims that music's power to unite people and lift spirits has dropped 74%, suggesting the art form can no longer be relied upon to bring people together or inspire collective singing.
Key quotes
· 2 pulledAfter this latest dip in its capacity to unify, we can no longer recommend music as a reliable means of bringing people together
We found music's ability to heal emotional wounds had plummeted to an all-time low
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